Moving Through the Tired
What's gone on this week
I am so tired. I have been for weeks now. Not the kind of tired that means I'm sick. The kind that makes me want to sleep for a week. That kind that I can't believe I have to pretend to be an adult and go about my daily life instead of hiding under the covers. I just can't seem to catch up. I know there are many possible reasons for this. That there's probably nothing physically wrong with me. Still. I feel stuck. Unable to really do anything because all I want to do is lie down. Anyone else feel like that recently? Does it make you want to pull your hair out?
That's not to say I didn't accomplish anything this week. I made myself a list of things I wanted to get done this week and did one thing each day so that I didn't feel completely stagnant. It worked to some extent. I did get some things done - see garden update below. I still feel like I haven't accomplished much though, mainly because my writing slowed down. This is partly because I haven't had the energy but also because I've reached a point where the world of the story is starting to expand.
I've had a fairly consistent idea of what the world of the story looks like since I started working on it over five years ago. When I went back to the drawing board last fall and introduced a new mythology and magic into the mix it changed a little, but not as much as I expected. Having reached the part where I finally got to introduce more of this new mythology the world has really started to change. Previous assumptions have faded and a host of possibilities are coming into view. It's exciting, but slowing things down. Do I stop and world build or keep writing? Can I do both?
I'm almost at the half way point. I have a couple of big plot events further into the story figured out but not much in between. It's a bit like jumping off a cliff. I've written previously about not being able to see more than a chapter or two ahead. Trusting that the story will reveal itself is really hard. As I move further into the story I'm discovering things that require changes to the beginning. It's a bit overwhelming right now. Exciting but overwhelming.
I did find the energy to put my potting bench together last Sunday. It's such a relief to not have to squat to pot things. I also potted up some chamomile and started some seeds which have just started sprouting.
My foxglove has also just started to flower which is incredibly satisfying.
What I'm loving
I started listening to Burnout: the Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski this week on audio book and I absolutely LOVE it. Holy cow. It's specifically written for women. I want to shove copies into the hands of every woman I know and insist they read it.